I'm thrilled to share this new offering with you! I have limited spots available, and I'm so excited to tell you more about it.

I have been educating myself in a trauma-informed certification program around bringing this deeper layer of reparenting ourselves as women with ADHD to really meet the core of our symptoms.

No more band-aids, no more tips and tricks. Let's really get to the root of our symptoms and heal from the inside out so we can start experiencing our lives in a new way.

This method has personally worked for me, and I've watched it transform the lives of many other women as well. I am beyond excited to bring it to you guys!

Starting the week of July 21st, I will work with a select few clients to walk them through this new method. It'll be an eight-week container consisting of once-a-week, one-on-one, 90-minute Zoom calls with me, where we’ll unpack:

• What's at the heart of your limiting beliefs

• The things that are showing up in your life that you want to shift

• Things you wish to change

• Identifying areas you feel stuck

• Overwhelmed

• Don’t know how to move through on your own

You'll learn how to feel safe in yourself and uncover your safety strategies. We all have different personality patterns we've developed as coping mechanisms from childhood.

You'll learn more about what you learned from mom, what you learned from dad, how you show up for yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you relate to others in the world. It's going to be an opportunity to truly show up for yourself, to learn how to feel safe in your body, to feel your feelings, and stop disassociating from emotions and intellectualizing them. We’ll get to the root of what's causing the discomfort in your life and the patterns you want to shift.

It's a deep dive into truly showing up for you. In this container, we’ll expand your nervous system capacity to be with more of the good stuff in your life, too.

I’ll help you better understand your nervous system and move through the different states you might be stuck in, so that you can feel more regulated, experience more joy, and have more spaciousness in your body, allowing you to be with things that arise that are uncomfortable.

There's so much we're going to do, and I can't say it all in this short email, but if you are interested and want to learn more, reply to this email that you're curious, and I'll set up a quick call to talk with you about it in more detail.

July 7th is the last day to sign up and secure your spot, so reach out by this Thursday, July 3rd, if you’re interested!

I only have a couple of spots left, so I encourage you to take advantage of this package. It's at a significantly discounted rate because it's part of a certification program. Prices will increase in September.

If you're interested in exploring this opportunity, please reply to the email, and we'll discuss it further. I would love, love, love to connect with you!

Sending you so much love,

Melissa

Leave a comment

This week's episode on the podcast, I'm talking about how we begin healing after years of self-doubt, so that we can learn to trust ourselves and really take action in our lives from a place of true confidence, feeling empowered, and from knowing that we can rely on our own internal guidance to move us forward in the right direction in our lives.

So often, as ADHDers, we've received messages around how we're not quite doing things right or fitting into the box or following the shoulds. This can impact our self-confidence and our ability to make decisions and take effective actions. We often have outdated narratives looping that are impacting how we show up in our lives.

This week on the podcast, I'm digging into how we begin to heal from the root through reparenting ourselves, identifying these limiting beliefs that are holding us back and showing up in sneaky ways, often limiting our ability to step into our power, our authority, and into the highest version of ourself because we are stuck in an outdated belief system that no longer serves us and to be honest was probably never true.

If you're curious to learn more about this topic, I invite you to explore it with me. I'll share the link below to listen to the podcast.

episode

I also wanted you to be the first to know that I’m going to be taking three one-on-one clients in July to explore an eight-week process of reparenting and identifying core limiting beliefs that are showing up in your life. This process aims to address and heal these limiting beliefs at their root, creating lasting changes in your life. If you're interested in diving in deeply with me, one-on-one, drop your name on the wait list, and I will be in touch.

Join the waitlist

As always, leave me a comment or reply to this email. I would love to hear from you!

Sending love,

Melissa

I'm dropping in with a new podcast episode that I'm super excited to share with you! This week, I am talking to Anat Peri, an inner child expert, about how to reparent ourselves and expand our nervous system’s capacity to be with more of what can feel uncomfortable.

We're getting into a personal experience that I had with Anat at a recent retreat. She used her method to support me in moving through one of my biggest fears. I think I've shared this with you guys before, but one of my core wounds is feeling unseen, and ironically, one of my greatest fears is being seen authentically.

I’ve been working through this and intellectualizing these feelings for years. However, I've noticed more recently that on a bodily level, my nervous system was still responding with a threat response to situations where I was putting myself out there to be seen authentically.

So, a few weeks back, Anat and I connected at this retreat, and we had a lovely dinner together. After connecting on our shared interest in inner child work, she asked me if I wanted to be the demo for her keynote presentation the next day.

Because I had established some safety with her the night before, my nervous system wasn't completely frozen, and I was able to get on stage. She worked with me through this process, which she uses to ride the waves of our emotions and get to the root of the fears behind these emotions, which can keep us from taking action toward the things we desire in life.

As we worked through this process, I realized that my fear of being seen stemmed from my fear of being alone. As a kid, if I was seen authentically, that meant rejection, abandonment, and ultimately feeling alone.

The approach we took in navigating the intense emotions that came up for me was compelling, and I wanted to share it with you guys in more depth, so I recorded this podcast to paint a better picture. I'll drop the link below.

Episode

In this episode, I explain how, after taking that action, feeling the feelings for 90 seconds, and doing this publicly in front of more than 100 people, I was able to rewire this fear within my nervous system and take action to be seen without feeling like it was a threat to my nervous system the very next day.

It was such a powerful moment for me, and it reflects so much of the work I want to support you with, too. Feeling safe to be ourselves, dropping the masks, perfectionism, and people-pleasing all sound great in our heads, right? But embodying and feeling safe doing it when our nervous system has interpreted this as dangerous our entire lives is another story.

I'm currently taking Anat’s trauma certification training to incorporate this work into my one-on-one offerings with you guys so that I can not only embody this for myself but also support you in taking it from the mind into the body too. The goal is to feel safe meeting yourself in the scary places and to find ways to make your nervous system feel comfortable enough to take action toward the things you desire. This is how we stop looping in cycles that no longer serve us and start creating real changes in our lives.

If this interests you, check out the episode and my consultation link to connect for potential 1:1 coaching. Take a listen. I would love to hear from you!

Listen here

Wishing you guys an amazing weekend and sending you so much love.

xo Melissa

Leave a comment

P.S. If you’d like more content like this and deeper support, feel free to join our Inner Circle for full access to resources supporting your nervous system AND priority access to 1:1 support, as well as customized packages for moms and kids. I’d love to see you there!

Join here 🌷

I want to drop in this week's podcast episode. I'm really excited to share this one with you. This week, I'm addressing the topic of perfectionism and people-pleasing and how this impacts us as women with ADHD and how we can start to take steps towards greater authenticity and feeling safe in our bodies to release habits that aren't serving us and oftentimes make us emotionally, mentally, and even physically sick.

So, if this is you, if you have struggled with perfectionism, if you have struggled with overcoming the societal pressures of being a good girl, being the pleaser, being likable, sacrificing your own needs, suppressing your true feelings, emotions, and authentic self in exchange for love, acceptance, and safety, then this week's episode is for you!

I'm going to be walking you through some simple steps and showing you how you can start to create a shift in your life in a way that does not feel overwhelming to your nervous system and creates a sense of safety rather than shut down.

When we try to do too many things at once, our nervous system will get overwhelmed, which can add to our dysregulation. So, really being gentle with ourselves when we’re shifting patterns deeply ingrained into our psyche, habits, and what feels safe to our nervous system is really important.

I'll drop the episode below. Let me know if you like it. I would love to hear from you!

Episode

Wishing you an amazing Sunday and, as always, sending you so much love.

Xo Melissa

Leave a comment

P.S. If you’d like more content like this and deeper support, feel free to join our Inner Circle for full access to resources supporting your nervous system + behind the scenes, more personal shares AND priority access to 1:1 support, and customized packages for moms and kids. I’d love to see you there!

Join us 💗

I am really excited to share this week's episode on the podcast with you. I am diving into why so many women and young girls are often misdiagnosed or the diagnosis is missed altogether when it comes to ADHD.

This is a topic that I find incredibly fascinating and relevant, and I'm seeing it highlighted on the covers of magazines recently around why the ADHD experience looks so different for females and how this contributes to the lack of support, resources, and identification that happens for so many women and young girls.

I'm discussing this in more depth in this week's podcast episode. This is a super personal subject for me as I was diagnosed with ADHD at 15. I’m sharing a bit more in this episode about my experience and why I wasn't identified younger despite my challenges and how receiving a diagnosis does and does not impact our experience.

I'm highlighting two things that I think are super critical to why we're seeing such a lack of awareness and understanding even amongst professionals around identifying and supporting ADHD in women and girls.

It comes down to two things:

1. Conditioning and the societal expectations that we put on girls (and boys)

2. The different types of ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive, and combined)

There’s a stereotype and stigmatized idea of what ADHD is supposed to look like that impacts a true understanding of the more internal experience that so many women and girls in the classroom are having.

This can happen to boys, too, so I am also touching on that in this episode as well because there's a lot out there right now about how ADHD presents for women and girls, which is absolutely true and essential to understand. However, there is an additional layer that is discussed less that centers around the different types of ADHD that impacts proper understanding for everyone.

Those with the inattentive type, whether you're a boy or a girl, will have a more internal experience, and the hyperactivity will be experienced inside of the person, making it less visible to the outside world.

This creates a really chaotic, stressful, anxiety-provoking experience for the individual, but from the outside looking in, people don't always see what's actually going on for these people.

There's a whole intersection here of societal expectations because, as women, we're conditioned to be “good girls” and to be more of the pleasers. This impacts the level of masking that can happen in our lives and, therefore, becomes a barrier to identification.

Also at play is the fact that ADHD takes different forms, and there are different types of ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive, and combined type). If you have the inattentive type of ADHD, no matter what your gender, this is going to appear outwardly different than what we’ve been told ADHD is supposed to look like.

In this week's episode, I'm diving into…

• why so many girls are not being identified earlier

• why we're having a surge of women coming to understand their neurowiring and experiences later in life

• how we can step in and support people in receiving the resources, identification, and tools they need from a younger age

• how to meet people where they're at, no matter when you find out

If you're interested in this, I'm dropping the episode below.

episode

It's such a fascinating topic that I think is so relevant for anyone who is walking this path, whether you're a woman with ADHD or a parent who has children with ADHD. If you’re curious about understanding the depth of what it means to have ADHD and getting a clearer picture of the experience, not based on outdated stigmas, and with more awareness around how conditioning and societal expectations impact the way we identify and support this population of people, this week’s episode is for you!

Check it out, and leave me a comment if you have any feelings or feedback. I would absolutely love to hear from you!

Leave a comment

Sending you so much love,

xo Melissa

P.S. If you’d like more content like this and deeper support, feel free to join our Inner Circle for full access to resources supporting your nervous system + behind the scenes, more personal shares AND priority access to 1:1 support, and customized packages for moms and kids. I’d love to see you there!

Join us 💗

I wanted to drop into our inner circle space and say hello, check in to see how you're doing and feeling, and ask if you have any questions you want to drop in the comments. This could be about anything on your mind, from the emotional regulation practices to whatever is alive and coming up for you right now. As a reminder, these comments ar…

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I hope that you are having a great start to your weekend. I wanted to drop in and share this week's episode on the podcast. I'm super excited about this one!

It might be one of my favorite episodes I've recorded just because it is so real, raw, and candid.

I'm finally speaking out more openly about a perspective I have around ADHD and the connection to complex trauma (CPTSD), high sensitivity, and the experience of ADHD symptoms. I've been sitting on this one for about a year and a half, processing, educating myself, and integrating my perspective. And, I'm finally ready to share about it and a bit more about my lived experience and why this perspective resonates so heavily with me based on my life, upbringing, and motherhood experience.

I'm super excited to share this very personal and intimate episode with you.

If you're interested in listening to this week's episode and how I connect high sensitivity, trauma, and ADHD, tune in below. I'll drop the episode here👇🏼. Let me know what you think and how you feel it lands for you. I'm super excited to share this one with you and as always, I would love to hear from you!

Listen here

Sending you so much love,

Melissa

Leave a comment

P.S. If you’d like more content like this and deeper support, feel free to join our Inner Circle for full access to resources supporting your nervous system + behind the scenes, more personal shares AND priority access to 1:1 support, and customized packages for moms and kids. I’d love to see you in there!

Join here

Okay, so I have been diving deep into the connection between self-abandonment, masking who you are, and these coping mechanisms that develop as self-preservation to protect you, to keep you safe, often unconsciously in childhood, and how that impacts you emotionally and physically, and in your overall well being.

So last week on the podcast, I talked about the connection between people pleasing as a form of self-abandonment and how that makes you physically ill and shows up predominantly in women. This week, I'm taking it a level deeper and speaking to how you begin to shift.

When you are masking, you're essentially fearing your own authenticity. You're afraid of being seen for who you truly are.

And it's not always fully conscious, right? It often stems from messaging picked up on as children. It's an adaptation to an environment. An adaptation to relationships because, as a child, it may have felt like being authentic was dangerous.

It may have risked your attachment to people that you needed for your survival. And so as we move into adulthood, we get to shift that perspective to prioritizing our authentic self.

The perceived disconnection from others can be really frightening to the nervous system, and it takes a lot of introspection and patience and baby-stepping your body into exploring this topic because it can feel dangerous to the body (what is unfamiliar feels unsafe to the nervous system).

So this week on the Reframing Neurodiversity Podcast, I'm taking it one step further, addressing the conversation from last week around autoimmune disease and people-pleasing and really getting under the hood of how we actually shift this.

We know this is a pattern that's happening in the lives of so many women, but how do we begin to create change in a way that feels safe, is lasting, and actually supports the nervous system through this transition?

It can just feel very uncomfortable and daunting and where do you even begin? So, if you're interested in taking these next steps into leaning into this conversation, into beginning to heal yourself from the inside out, not only mentally, emotionally, but physically as well. This week's episode is for you! I'm going to drop it in here below.

Listen here

I would love to hear from you and how you like it, if you can relate. It's a topic that I feel is so relevant and critical for us as women to understand because it can be running the show in the background without conscious awareness. Until you're aware and have some tools to lean into a new way, you can stay looping in the same discomfort, the same suffering, the same disconnection from yourself.

So check it out, leave me a note, reply to this email, and let me know your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!

Sending you so much love,

Melissa

Leave a comment

P.S. If you’d like to join our Inner Circle for full access to resources that support your nervous system + behind the scenes, more personal shares and priority access to 1:1 support, and customized packages for moms and kids, I’d love to see you in there!

Join here

How are you? I hope that you have had a great week.

I'm wrapping up the week here and just thinking about you guys in this space and wanting to share with you, a bit more candidly, some things that are going on behind the scenes for me and some topics I want to speak to more and more that to be honest, are a little controversial and a conve…

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I wanted to pop in here today and share with you my newest podcast episode about connecting people-pleasing and self-abandonment with physical ailments that can manifest in your body, such as autoimmune conditions. Okay, so this is a topic that's really near and dear to my heart because I personally have struggled with several different autoimmune conditions, starting from very early childhood all the way up into my forties.

Dr. Gabor Mate has made a connection with autoimmune conditions and fear of being authentic. He points out that 80 percent of the people who develop autoimmune conditions are women.

And why? Because as women, we've been so conditioned to self-abandon, to people please, to be likable, to be nice, to be that good girl, right? We tend to be the ones who are more concerned about other's needs than our own, especially if we're in that season of life of motherhood.

I have personally walked through this in a way that I'm sharing with you in this week's podcast episode as I’m speaking to this connection and how important it is for us as women to start tuning into our bodies and getting in touch with our healthy anger.

By speaking up for ourselves, using our voices, and really getting in touch with what is a true yes and a true no for us in our bodies, we can begin healing ourselves, not only emotionally but physically. So, if you're interested in hearing more about this topic and the connection between people-pleasing and autoimmune conditions.

This week's episode on the Reframing Neurodiversity podcast is for you. I'm going to drop the link below, and if you have any thoughts or feelings or can relate to this, I'd also love to hear from you in the comments. This is a topic that I believe deserves so much more attention, and I'm diving into it this week.

Podcast Episode

I hope you enjoy it!

Sending you so much love,

Melissa

Leave a comment

 How are you? I hope that you are doing well. I just got back from a conference where I had the opportunity to listen to Dr. Gabor Mate talk about trauma and ADHD and so many things that I am just fascinated with.

He bumps up against a lot of things for people because he really speaks to the connection between trauma and ADHD, which, in my e…

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I’m so excited to share with you that I will be going live on Substack tomorrow for an organic chat where I’ll be sharing a bit more about myself and my journey with you.

Eli Dervonte from Diary of an ADHD Strategist reached out and asked to connect and share my story on Substack Live, so here we go! The truth is he knows very little about me, and I know very little about him. This will be an organic conversation where two people get curious and learn about the person in front of them with zero expectations or assumptions. This is how Eli runs all of his podcast episodes, and I’m here for it!

I’m personally in a season of embracing authenticity and stepping into more safety in being seen (something I have struggled with most of my life). As I release old coping mechanisms such as perfectionism and people-pleasing that have kept me separate from myself and others, I’m excited to share more of the real me with you.

If you’d like to join us for an off-the-cuff candid conversation, jump on the Substack app tomorrow, Monday, January 27th, at 1 pm PST to join us LIVE!

Here’s the details to join us:

• Click below to download the Substack app

• Enable notifications, and the app will notify you when I’m live

• Tap that, and you’re in!

Get more from Melissa Jackson in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

If you have any questions, feel free to reply to this email or drop them in the comments. I’m excited to try out this new feature and chat with you in real time!

See you tomorrow!

Melissa

Leave a comment

Hi, I’m Melissa, a neurodivergent mom raising neurodivergent kids and supporting other highly sensitive women on the journey home to their authentic selves. Join our community for nervous system support and more intimate shares in our Inner Circle.

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Hi friends,

Happy New Year! As you can see, I’m slowly moving into this new year, as I’m acknowledging it more than halfway through January!

I’m not a big New Year’s resolution person, to be honest. I prefer more of a slow roll into the next chapter with steady and intentional shifts. I love taking time for reflection, to truly feel into what feels good to this current version of me.

What I’ve noticed is that this changes over time, and this makes sense because we’re always evolving, right? The old me was conditioned to do things in ways that worked for other people or pleased others because that’s what felt safe to my nervous system as a devoted people pleaser!

As I’ve been releasing old habits and patterns that no longer serve me and I’ve been expanding my capacity to be with more discomfort in my nervous system, I’m watching how that window of tolerance is growing and allowing for more self-awareness around what the real me desires.

It’s taken me a minute to get to this place, but the older I get, the more I know what the authentic version of me enjoys, what feels right and true, and what feels good to my body. And I’m here for it!

In this week’s episode on the Reframing Neurodiversity podcast, I’m talking about how to step into 2025 with more authenticity.

Listen Here

So many of us have developed forms of masking, whether it’s people-pleasing or perfectionism, as unconscious strategies to keep us safe. To feel loved and accepted. And this makes so much sense! But there comes the point where it begins to feel like a jacket that is too small, itchy, and restricting, and we just want to feel free! Free to be who we truly are.

In this week’s episode on the podcast, I’m jumping into how we can start to embrace our authentic selves in a way that feels safe to our nervous system.

Many of us live in perpetual states of survival—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This can stem from unprocessed trauma, current stressful experiences, or the pressure of ongoing stress to mask and be perfect or simply something other than who we truly are.

When this becomes too much, our nervous systems can get stuck (if you're unsure what stuck state you're in, get a quick nervous system check-in with immediate, actionable tools in my FREE QUIZ!)

In this week’s episode on the podcast, you’ll hear:

• How doing less in January creates space for more aligned progress

• How to start shifting the voice on autopilot that doesn’t serve you

• How to determine what is real and true for you and start creating it

• How to begin healing the core wounds that hold us back

• How people pleasing and perfectionism are forms of masking

• How self-abandonment is at the root of perpetuating unconscious patterns that we’d like to release

• What it means to reparent ourselves and befriend our nervous system

• How to find safety in creating more authentic lives

Episode Here

Too long, didn’t read? Here’s the Cliff Notes:

• Join the community to receive support in regulating your nervous system and join in on the Inner Circle Community shares:

  Join the Community

• Take the Quiz to get started in determining where you’re at in your nervous system and receive immediate guided support from me:

Take the Quiz

• Listen to this week’s episode on the Reframing Neurodiversity podcast:

Podcast Episode

Here for you and cheering you on!

With love,

Melissa

Leave a comment

Happy New Year! I hope January is off to a good start for you. I’m dropping in with our first inner circle share. If you’re receiving this email, that means YOU!

In this space, I will be sharing more candidly the things I’m working through and the strategies I’m applying in my own life that are supporting me in my journey in hopes of supporti…

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Alissa is a personal friend who's helped me on my journey as a highly sensitive, ADHD mom, and I can't wait to dive into:

• Finding your self-worth in your sensitivity

• And helping you get to the root of living your best life.

High sensitivity is a common characteristic of ADHD and neurodivergence. While that neurowiring can be a challenge, I feel it's so easy for us to fall into that victim mentality around life being hard and things being harder for me.

How do you support people who are like, I'm highly sensitive, life is hard, everything's more difficult, help me out?

Yeah, it's so important to speak to that victimhood mindset versus the empowerment mindset, because to me it's the through line in the work that I do and with the work you do as well.

It's that radical self acceptance piece.

• At the end of the day, this is how we were created.

• We have this wiring.

• We have this trait about us.

  • Now, how are we going to work with it?

I don't think any of us were designed for our life to just suck and be perpetually hard and unfair.

I have always felt very driven to enjoy my life, to feel fulfilled and inspired and to live to the fullest. And so that's my approach with people when they come to me:

1. Yes, let's validate the ways in which being sensitive is hard.

2. But now how can we look at the ways that we can leverage this? What makes your difference your superpower?

Viewing your sensitivity as a superpower

We already know what staying in the “this is so hard for me” gets us.

• It gets us feeling anxious.

• Like, it's us against the world.

• Like things are harder and this is unfair.

  • And we know that song and dance, doesn't feel good.

    • Our relationships aren't working.

    • We're overthinking.

Flipping the Challenges of Being Highly Sensitive into Strengths

Beginning to open your mind to “How can I work with the challenging parts of this trait so that I'm able to then leverage it as a superpower.” is key.

When I think about the challenges of being highly sensitive, it is the fact that:

• We get overstimulated and overwhelmed more easily.

  • Okay, then we need to learn how to regulate our nervous system.

    • That's a must, that just has to be part of our toolkit.

• And I think about the way we care so deeply- that is a strength and it's a kryptonite.

  • So being able to recognize, when am I caring from a healthy place, a genuine abundant place versus when am I caring from a codependent, needy place.

It's starting to untangle these traits and intentionally shift to what's the opportunity here? How can I use this to my benefit?

Yeah. Even in the small moments, building this muscle of:

• Which thought am I going to choose?

• Turning the dial to, what's the better feeling thought?

That's something I've been doing lately.

When my mind goes to: this is hard and I'm bummed out. I keep shifting to find something that feels better in my body. And it starts to build that muscle of retraining the way we think about ourselves and our lives.

• Oh, I'm getting rejected again.

• Oh, this person is making my life harder.

  • You see the opportunity and you take ownership of the experience too, because you see, you have a role in how you experience things.

How are you going to show up for yourself?

Melissa: Exactly. You're not doing anything wrong. This is how life is for everybody.

I know we both love Human Design which really explains how we're all created in this unique way. We’re all designed to do things differently and bring different gifts and energies and ways of doing and being to the world. We all have that in common.

But sometimes it's easy to look at somebody else's hard, as easy, because it's different than our own.

We can have this misperception that, “it's not happening to other people.” But it's actually the way life is designed, and sometimes the hardest moments, I found, are the biggest opportunities, because it's like, how are you going to show up for yourself?

I struggled with anxiety for much of my life, and I have noticed the pathway that I'm used to going down is to avoid or flee from the situation if I feel too anxious.

• Whether it's that podcast interview that makes you nervous

• Or it's showing up at that event that you're scared to go to.

• Or putting yourself out there in whatever way.

“Confidence is a willingness to be uncomfortable.”

Alissa: Yes. One of my favorite quotes about confidence is from Susie Moore: “Confidence is a willingness to be uncomfortable.”

That's exactly it. And I think about my own journey, and how I faced the discomfort and I faced the insecurity and I kept showing up.

Because that's what comes up, that feeling of:

• I'm going to die.

• This is the worst thing ever.

• It can feel so intense.

But there's no magic pill. You just have to do it.

Melissa: Right. Exactly. And it’s counterintuitive because your old way is familiar and feels safer. And I think that's the flip where we've got to mentally understand, that just because this feels unsafe doesn't mean it is.

Have you heard that Ryan Reynolds quote: “The people that are successful are the ones who are willing to be bad at something.”

I just remember thinking, that is so true.

Alissa: Without a doubt. Yes, and I think it's your willingness to show up and do hard things, even when no one's applauding you, or notices, that's where the resilience is built. It applies to every area of life.

Building the Lives We Want to Be Living

Melissa: It's this building process to create the lives we want to be living. And I know you talk about this a lot and I loved your most recent episode, on the Sensitive and Soulful Podcast about Manifesting, because I feel like that is it, right?

• What does that version of me want to feel?

  • Whether it's calm and regulated in my life with my family and my kids.

  • Or it's that I want to create a book in the world.

  • Or a business.

    • Your dreams are there for a reason, but you have to step into being the person that attracts those dreams, right?

Alissa: Absolutely. And at the root of it is self-worth and self-acceptance. It's at the foundation of everything that I teach highly sensitive people.

Because when you know yourself and when you're so connected to yourself you can understand yourself better than anyone else.

Of course, it's helpful to have resources and different tips but getting to a place of:

• I know who I am.

• I trust who I am.

• I accept who I am.

• And I know that I can make the decisions that are best for me.

  • It’s just so much deeper.

When you unapologetically accept yourself. When you have high self-worth and you're like, even if I make a dumb comment and someone judges me for it, I still accept myself, I'm still worthy either way. It diminishes all of these issues because you're going to be okay no matter what.

What’s at the root?

Melissa: I feel like there's so many parallels in what you and I do because it's the same thing. It's like, what's at the root?

Alissa: Yeah, that's exactly it. There's so much less mental drama and you can tune into yourself rather than needing a million opinions from everyone else because, at the end of the day, you know what's best for you.

And all those things like people pleasing and perfectionism, are resolved because all of that is based in this need to please others because you're searching outside of yourself for that acceptance and approval to validate yourself that you’re okay.

But when you're giving that to yourself, it’s just obsolete.

It all comes back to being safe to be ourselves.

And also knowing that those little voices are going to come up. Even when you have high self-worth, it's still a process because you're constantly up-leveling to that next version of you, right? That can hold more and more and more.

• We can get this false sense of being overly confident about it, where we ”don't need this anymore.”

• And then slowly, but surely it starts to creep in where you're like, wait, why is that happening again? Why is that old pattern coming up?

Melissa: And those little things go a long way for our nervous systems.

Plus shifting the mindset around:

• It’s okay to be different.

• And accepting that we may need to do certain things in our day that maybe other people don't understand.

  • But it makes you feel regulated and grounded.

  • And then the energy you bring changes and the whole experience gets to be different.

And that’s why that acceptance piece is so key.

Being Highly-Sensitive Keeps You at the Forefront of Self-Care

Alissa: I find that people who are more sensitively wired, we're kind of at the forefront of what others should do because we feel things more intensely. So it's more acute for us. It's more obvious for us. But at the end of the day, these are things that everyone should know how to do.

As cheesy as it sounds, it’s like being a leader in self-care because it’s important and essential for us for longevity and enjoying our lives, and being able to just like feel good and be present.

Melissa: Absolutely. In the end, the high sensitivity is really an advantage because we almost don't have a choice. Whereas others might be able to override it, for us, we can't.

And so, it forces us to be on the cutting edge of what would benefit all people, because, for our systems, it's a must.

Connect with Alissa

The Sensitive and Soulful Show

Learn more about her coaching

Follow her on Instagram

I have been working on something for you that I think you're really going to love.

As you know, I've been talking a lot about the nervous system lately and how it's at the root of creating the lives that we desire as ADHD women.

Because as many of you probably know:

• We're more highly sensitive.

• Our nervous systems are more attuned to our environments and our surroundings.

• And often we have complex trauma and we've got places that we tend to get stuck in our nervous system.

We just need a little more TLC when it comes to our nervous systems…

And what I've personally discovered is that…

When we learn how to befriend our nervous systems

• To understand what's going on within our body

• To relate to these sensations with compassion and curiosity

• And then with education, as far as what tools we can apply to meet ourselves in these states.

Just today I was feeling very dysregulated and overwhelmed….

You know how it is. When your to-do list gets too long or you get really excited about something and there's too many things on the list. That’s when I can get very overwhelmed and then feel dysregulated because, it's too much.

And then I feel stuck and the shame spiral starts.

The difference that I've experienced since understanding my nervous system is now I can:

1. Take a pause and step back from that experience.

2. Get curious about the sensations in my body.

3. And now that I have this deeper understanding of my nervous system. I can pull out the right tool that I need to bring myself back to safety.

So today, I knew I was just going to continue spinning….

And continue procrastinating if I didn't meet myself where I was at.

I was in a state of fight or flight. So I just:

1. Stopped what I was doing.

2. I went outside and took a walk.

3. And I did a few of my self-regulation strategies so I could find safety in my body.

I could see the things that I needed to do now and I came home and I sat down and I did my work.

A Quiz to Help YOU Find the Self-Regulation Technique YOU need right now

It's practices like these, that I'm still bumping into on the daily.

The difference just is I now have the tools to meet myself there. And to bring myself out of it.

Take the Quiz

This is what I want to share with you guys, because it's so empowering.

Whether it's:

• Trying to move through procrastination

• or perfectionism

• or overwhelm

• or if it's trying to show up differently and not be in that state of fight when your kid has big feelings and it dysregulates you

You need space to show up for yourself so you can show up for them and co-regulate together in a way you feel good about.

It really is the foundation for all the things you guys.

So I'm very excited about this quiz.

It's literally three questions. It will take you all of a minute to answer.

• And it will tell you what state of your nervous system you're predominantly in.

• And a specific self-regulation strategy that would support you best in your current state.

  • So that you can bring yourself back to feeling safe and grounded in your body.

So the state you're in this morning is going to be different than the state you're in tonight.

I wanted to create something that was really accessible.

And I'm telling you guys, firsthand, this work has made such a huge difference in my life.

We've come to this space of neurodiversity for so long with needing to “fix people” and particularly needing to “fix our kids.”

And what I've really discovered in the work that I've done both as an educator and a mother doing research in the field is that:

And we get to hold space for our children in these new ways of compassion and curiosity and understanding, and co-regulation that literally changes people's lives.

I was talking to my friend the other day, who has been applying these emotional regulation strategies to her life and creating toolkits for her kids.

And she was telling me what a huge impact it’s made on her family.

She asked me something really interesting:

“Do you think that when we start to teach our kids, these things at a young age, are they going to struggle in adulthood, like we do?”

And it's such an interesting thing to think about, right?

• Because it's like we have these tools so that our kids can apply them in situations now to show up differently.

• But they can also use them to practice when they're not dysregulated, which increases their capacity to be with difficult things.

Because most of us in our generation- were not given these things…. because our parents weren't given these tools.

That's why so many of us have suppressed and feel:

• depressed

• or anxious

• or overwhelmed

and struggle with staying stuck in these survival states in our nervous system… because we didn't have the healthy tools to express.

We didn't have the understanding

• or the safety and co-regulation available to release what we were feeling

• to express what we were feeling

• and to have that be safe.

And that's why I think this work is so incredibly powerful.

It's foundational to many other strategies we'll explore later in the Reframing Neurodiversity course, which is for ADHD moms who want to show up for themselves so they can show up for their kids in new ways.

Add Your Name to the Waitlist

But to get started now…

this quiz and these tools are available for yourself and your kids, as an easy first step to begin shifting cycles within our families that have been passed down unconsciously, unintentionally, and generationally. So if you're looking for an opportunity to shift things in your life and in the lives of those you love this quiz is for you! Drop me a note and let me know what you think!

Take the Quiz

Welcome to the Neurodiversity Advocate,

Hi, I’m Melissa.

As an ADHD mom, who is highly sensitive, I have struggled with emotional regulation most of my life.

As mothers, we're juggling so many things, and our kids can poke at all the unhealed parts of us and significantly increase our demands…. which makes it so much easier to get swallowed up in feeling dysregulated.

For me, it was crippling for a very long time because I didn't have the tools to handle my dysregulation.

Let alone respond to my kids and their big feelings in the ways they needed because I was still figuring out my own stuff. Can you relate?

Healthy emotional regulation responses had never been modeled for me…

Therefore, I had never practiced them myself…

But it's just not possible if we’re not given the guidance and the right toolkit.

… That’s what this space is for.

Because we're an entire generation of women who are learning how to reparent ourselves.

Who are trying to show up for our inner children in the ways we needed from our caregivers but perhaps didn't receive.

So if you're feeling:

• Overwhelmed and exhausted

• Maybe you feel frustrated and reactive.

• You might be disconnected from yourself or numb or checked out.

All of these things are so normal to experience

We just don't want to stay stuck in the dysregulation or within these survival states of our nervous system.

We want to feel empowered with tools that work for our system and can support us in moving up the nervous system ladder and into a place of safety in our bodies.

So, instead, we will:

1. Begin to understand and befriend our nervous systems.

2. Start to slow down, go inward, and feel into what your body is experiencing.

3. Lastly, find a somatic practice that best supports YOU in the exact state you’re in so you can create more fluidity within your system to flow and find that feeling of safety from the inside out.

These practices have personally changed my life

- as a person, as a friend, as a mother- in all of my relationships. And I want that for you too!

So let’s get started!

Creating your Emotional Regulation Toolkit

The way I've set this up for you is super simple and clear so that you don't have to overthink it.

[Step One] Download Your Toolkit

DOWNLOAD NOW

On this page, I’ll walk you through how to determine whether or not a tool is a high payoff for your nervous system and you'll have a space to keep track of the ones that work best for you.

As ADHDers our working memory can be a challenge so I’ve found having that go-to page as a reminder is helpful until we’ve fully integrated these practices into our lifestyle. Otherwise, it’s out of sight out of mind (you know what I mean?) and it can be hard to remember what to use and when. If you know, you know, right?!

[Step Two] Take the Quiz

TAKE THE QUIZ

Once you've downloaded your toolkit, your next step is to take the quiz.

It's so simple, you guys. It's only three questions and you can take it as many times as you want!

In less than a minute you’ll be provided with a guided video where I’m walking you through a strategy that is appropriate for how you're feeling in the moment that you take the quiz. We move in and out of different states throughout the day so taking it multiple times will likely give you different tools that will meet you where you’re at at the moment you need it!

If you like the practice that shows up for you, write it down in your toolkit (the one you just downloaded above) so you have it to refer to when you need it.

If it’s not your favorite, no problem, there’s more to choose from. Drop down and check out another video within the archives and see if there is a better match for the state you’re in whether that’s:

• Fight

• Flight

• Freeze

• Fawn

You really only need one or two high-payoff techniques per nervous system state and practicing those until you get really good at them is the best place to start!

These somatic practices support our system in moving out of these states so we can:

Create more fluidity within our system to be with the things that are dysregulating with a bit more ease and flow and show up in ways that feel good for ourselves and our kids.

So when you're in that moment when your kid is having a meltdown and you immediately feel your blood start to boil….

• your heart starts to race

• your hands start to sweat

• you want to go to that automatic reactive response

You're going to know which tool to pull out so you can regulate those emotions in the moment and…

• Support yourself in feeling more grounded and in control during those times when you feel heightened and triggered.

• This opens up more space within yourself to start your reparenting process (ie giving that part of you who needs you in that moment what you need)

• When we can hold more space for ourselves it expands our capacity to hold space for our kids in the ways that they need

• So we can begin to feel more competent in our parenting and what we're passing down to this next generation.

  • And THIS is what truly starts to shift cycles in our families. Isn’t that powerful and exciting?!

Know you are so not alone! We are doing this together in a community of like-minded women who GET you!

Change is 100% possible. One baby step at a time is all it takes and it makes such a big difference.

• A difference in the way you feel.

• A difference in the way you show up for your kids.

• A difference in your confidence.

Helping you feel more empowered to share these tools with your children as well so that we can truly begin to shift the dynamics in our families. But it starts with us!

So get started today.

1. Download your toolkit.

2. Take the quiz.

3. Dive into the resources

4. And let me know what you think.

Leave a comment

You got this! I am here for you, you are so not alone. We’re in this together!

I'm really excited to talk to you today about the state of flight in the nervous system.

This might be you if when faced with confrontation or conflict:

• Your go-to response is to avoid.

  • Maybe you tend to retreat or self-isolate.

  • Perhaps you hide.

• You may experience a lot of anxiety or hypervigilance.

A lot of times this can happen…

• When we grow up in families where it's glorified and praised to self-sacrifice.

• To ignore your own needs in order to take care of other people’s feelings or desires before your own

  • This can even become a bit of an expectation that if you don't meet, you're considered mean, wrong, difficult, or bad.

These messages can then become our internal voice.

Our harsh self-critic, if we stand up for ourselves or we set boundaries or we say what we need, we will feel unsafe. Love will be withheld, we’ll be judged and criticized, and perhaps seen as selfish, mean, wrong, or bad.

For me…. My flight response was a go-to for most of my life.

I think it was very comfortable for me to just retreat and hide when:

• Things felt uncomfortable

• Or when I felt like there was a lot of conflict

• Or I felt really dysregulated

I spent much of my childhood alone in my bedroom. I had a whole world going on in my mind and it became my safe haven.

Which makes so much sense as a kid, right?

When we're children, we don't have a lot of freedom in choice to create our experiences and our realities.

So we can see why these patterns develop. But then our nervous system begins to interpret these coping mechanisms as safety and they become go-to’s in adulthood that often don't serve us anymore.

I had this experience the other day…

As I've been doing this work and being more conscious of the states I'm in, I have been meeting myself in these places, trying to complete the cycle, rather than just going down the familiar path of my survival instincts.

I had this experience where I was like, “I need to speak up and use my voice. I need to set a boundary.”

I work from home now but for a long time, I was a stay-at-home mom. My kids are older now, they're 13 and 16, and so when they go to school, that's my time to do my work.

And I had to have a hard conversation with a few people in my life around, not just showing up unannounced, from 8am-3pm because it was becoming disruptive.

I knew if I wanted to create the life I desired, I needed to have this conversation,

But speaking up and creating boundaries can feel mean to me sometimes because of this coping mechanism I developed when I was little.

All these untrue things started running through my head:

• “Boundaries are aggressive”

• “Boundaries or selfish”

• “Will they think I’m mean?”

I've had to retrain my body and my nervous system to a newer, healthier way to cope.

But I could feel this anxiety coming on. I could feel myself wanting to avoid and not have this conversation because of old outdated narratives and fears.

So here’s the 3 step process I took:

1. I identified my nervous system state- I was in flight, wanting to avoid what felt like confrontation.

2. I did a few of my self-regulation strategies for the state of flight, shaking, and heel drops.

   1. I've listed more techniques + guided sessions below for you.

3. And then I resourced and I found something in my room that felt calming.

And I was able to express what I was feeling in a very kind regulated, respectful way.

I got off the phone…. and my body immediately felt flooded and dysregulated.

• Like I just did the most aggressive act

• and I'm this mean horrible person

• and I'm selfish

  • and all of these narratives that I've internalized from when I was little on why I don't set boundaries and why I avoid tapping into my healthy aggression, start popping up.

So once again, I went outside, put my bare feet on the ground and my hand on my heart and I breathed.

…. And then I had this opportunity as the adult me to show up and hold space for those feelings.

• To shed light on the truth, that I am safe.

• That it is loving to me and other people to set boundaries and speak my needs.

• That I'm not responsible for other people's feelings or other people's perceptions of me.

• I was proud of myself for speaking up, taking care of myself, and having my own back.

• I was giving this wounded part of me what she needed- strong leadership in myself to keep her safe.

And I was able find strength, confidence and clarity in this adult me who knows the truth about healthy boundaries and healthy aggression.

I held that little part of me that was still confused, and showed her that it was safe to use her voice.

I can see now how this has physically impacted me…

Specifically with my gut issues, which I’ve had since I was a kid and that didn't really heal until I started addressing these emotional roots and supporting my nervous system in getting unstuck from this survival state.

Our gut shuts down in prolonged states of fight or flight because all the blood motility goes out to our limbs and our digestion slows down.

It's important to know that when it comes to our nervous system, it's not just about calming down all the time.

I think when we think of emotional regulation we often think of ourselves in these escalated states and we need to find calm. And sometimes that is the case, but that's not always the case.

Sometimes, it's about tapping into our healthy aggression, because that healthy aggression is actually our vital life force energy that propels us forward in life.

We use healthy aggression and life force energy to:

• Protect and defend.

• To be productive.

• And passionate.

• And to play.

• To create a world where we feel respected and seen, and our needs are met and honored.

And so it's practices like these, that I still am bumping into on the daily.

The difference is I now have the tools to meet myself there and to bring myself out of it, instead of avoiding the hard conversations, not speaking up, or perpetuating this pattern that doesn’t feel good to me anymore.

Because that's on me…

We are responsible for our experiences.

• Yes, difficult things happen.

• Crappy things happen.

• Inconvenient things happen.

And we get to choose to step out of the old cycle.

So here are 4 techniques that have helped me step out of the flight state

Heel Drops

You can do this sitting or standing. It's like a calf raise where we're going to raise our heels and then drop them like a thud onto the ground. The goal is to get your heart up to release that adrenaline and cortisol.

Guided Heel Drops Session

Heel Pushes + Heels Up

When we're in that flight response, we tend to want to move forward- like we’re running away. So getting up on our toes, we're going to go towards the activation to release the cycle. In this technique, we're going to activate our calf muscles as we're on our toes in that propelled forward position.

Guided Heel Pushes + Heels Up Session

The Tense + Relax Sequence

When we're in a state of anxiety, we can tend to grip or brace or have a lot of tension in certain muscles. For me, it's my neck, shoulders, and lower back. In this session, we will lean into those places, to release some of that stuck energy.

Guided Tense + Relax Sequence Session

Visualization

Visualization is a great strategy to use in any of the states and can provide quick relief. Today, we're going to be walking through how we can apply this in the state of flight when we're feeling anxious.

Guided Visualization Session

Taking off the armor does feel scary because it's not familiar.

Our nervous system sees it as dangerous because it's not the way we've always done it.

And when we have trauma, as many of us ADHD moms do, we often find ourselves stuck in one of these protective states, whether it's:

• Flight

• Fight

• Freeze

• Fawn

• or Shutdown

But as you begin to learn these tools and how to self-regulate and better understand your nervous system and how to meet yourself in that space.

You'll find that it naturally starts drawing in healthier dynamics with people who honor your boundaries, who appreciate your honesty, who are curious about your experience, and who can hold space for what you're going through.

Why? Because you know how to do this for yourself. So within, so without.

If you're interested in this work and want to dive deeper, I would love for you to join me on the paid side:

• We are going to be creating more and more resources to support you through this process with a simple guide to meet you where you’re at in your journey.

• I’ll be walking you through tools that will work for you and your unique nervous system and support you in finding safety in your body.

Subscribe now

And if you're a mom with ADHD and you are struggling with these things…

Struggling to show up for yourself and your kids in the ways that you feel proud of, that foster secure, healthy relationships where you feel confident and empowered.

Add your name to the waitlist below and I'll make sure to keep you in the loop for the upcoming Reframing Neurodiversity course releasing end of January.

We'll be diving into:

• The impact of trauma and understanding our nervous system.

• How we can begin to reparent ourselves so that we can not only survive but begin to thrive and feel empowered and confident in our lives while shifting generational cycles for our kids.

• Strategies I've personally used in my own life to shift out of unhealthy patterns that were once familiar and step into new ways that allow you to feel seen, connected, and like you can truly be yourself without masking or self-abandoning!

If you are interested and want to be kept in the loop drop your name on the waitlist below and I’ll be in touch with more details!

Add Your Name to the Waitlist

Today we're going to be talking about a state in the nervous system that is very near and dear to my heart: the state of flight.

When we're in the state of flight, this looks predominantly like:

• Anxiety

• Worry

• Panic

• Fear

• Hypervigilance

  • It's that state where we really want to flee, runaway, avoid confrontation.

So to have tools and to better understand what's going on in my nervous system, in my body and to meet myself in a way that's effective, has been life-changing for me.

First I want to debunk a myth that I bought into for a really long time around anxiety…

For many years, I thought I just needed to:

• Calm down

• To suppress

• To meditate

• To breathe slowly

• To just relax out of anxiety

and it's actually the EXACT OPPOSITE.

When we’re in the flight state of the nervous system, we actually have a lot of adrenaline and cortisol going on in our bodies that needs to be expressed or discharged.

And we're not allowing our nervous system to complete the cycle. Which is actually what's going to make us feel that sense of calm and relief.

So the counterintuitive part here is that we actually want to go towards the activation so that we can release that trapped adrenaline and cortisol and find relief in completion of the cycle. You're going to want to do things that get your heart rate up.

So that we can then create a greater sense of calm in our body.

So today we're going to be talking about a way that we can actually move towards the activation, that is going to help us release that stuck adrenaline and cortisol so we don't build up more and become stuck in this state.

Because if you do, you could:

• Implode

  • which means we go into shutdown, immobilization or freeze.

• Or Explode

  • which looks more like a panic attack or those more severe symptoms of anxiety.

So today we’re going to dive into one my favorites… Heel Drops

You can view all the techniques and learn more about the flight state here.

Like always give it a try and if it feels like it’s working for your nervous system and you feel relief. Great. Write it down.

Keep track of it with your toolkit, but don't feel like all of them have to work for you.

Remember, all of our nervous systems are unique. And so I'm just sharing with you some things that work for me. You want to feel into what feels best for you.

Heel Drops Guided Session

Read more

Today we're going to be talking about a state in the nervous system that is very near and dear to my heart: the state of flight.

When we're in the state of flight, this looks predominantly like:

• Anxiety

• Worry

• Panic

• Fear

• Hypervigilance

  • It's that state where we really want to flee, runaway, avoid confrontation.

So to have tools and to better understand what's going on in my nervous system, in my body and to meet myself in a way that's effective, has been life-changing for me.

First I want to debunk a myth that I bought into for a really long time around anxiety…

For many years, I thought I just needed to:

• Calm down

• To suppress

• To meditate

• To breathe slowly

• To just relax out of anxiety

and it's actually the EXACT OPPOSITE.

When we’re in the flight state of the nervous system, we actually have a lot of adrenaline and cortisol going on in our bodies that needs to be expressed or discharged.

And we're not allowing our nervous system to complete the cycle. Which is actually what's going to make us feel that sense of calm and relief.

So the counterintuitive part here is that we actually want to go towards the activation so that we can release that trapped adrenaline and cortisol and find relief in completion of the cycle. You're going to want to do things that get your heart rate up.

So that we can then create a greater sense of calm in our body.

So today we're going to be talking about a way that we can actually move towards the activation, that is going to help us release that stuck adrenaline and cortisol so we don't build up more and become stuck in this state.

Because if you do, you could:

• Implode

  • which means we go into shutdown, immobilization or freeze.

• Or Explode

  • which looks more like a panic attack or those more severe symptoms of anxiety.

So today we’re going to dive into one my favorites… Heel Pushes + Heels Up

You can view all the techniques and learn more about the flight state here.

Like always give it a try and if it feels like it’s working for your nervous system and you feel relief. Great. Write it down.

Keep track of it with your toolkit, but don't feel like all of them have to work for you.

Remember, all of our nervous systems are unique. And so I'm just sharing with you some things that work for me. You want to feel into what feels best for you.

Guided Heel Pushes + Heels Up Session

Read more