This week, I've really been feeling like a lot of the habits, beliefs, and ways I do things are coming up for review.
I’m seeing the patterns that no longer serve me, the beliefs that are untrue, and ways of operating that I want to shift.
And it's interesting because it feels like I’m at this crossroads where I’m aware of the things that are ready to go, yet I’m feeling like I'm still a bit in the stickiness of how to release them fully.
Something that's come up for me is this realization that even though my mind is on board with certain new ways of doing things in my life, my body does not always feel safe with these new shifts — even though some of these old habits are harmful, like my tendencies with perfectionism or struggles with procrastination or negative self-talk.
Those things aren't helping me. They're not fueling my sense of emotional well-being or moving me closer toward my goals. But my body is resisting taking on new habits because they're unfamiliar.
And that's really been coming to my consciousness, how we do this to ourselves, how we can self-sabotage, and then beat up on ourselves about it.
But why do we do this? I'm always curious, like why, what is the root cause?
My body has internalized some of these unhealthy habits as keeping me safe
Because at some point in my life, they probably did, right? Or at least I perceived them to.
But now, as I'm trying to introduce new, healthier ways of doing things, my body's like, no, no, no, that's not safe. And I've been feeling stuck and triggered with certain things. It’s frustrating because my mind and my body can feel disconnected at times like this.
From the top down, from my rational brain, I understand what I should be doing differently and that some of these old toxic patterns aren't helping me.
But from the bottom up, the sensations in my body — these beliefs I've held on to as keeping me safe (hello childhood trauma that still needs some love and attention) are causing my nervous system to perceive these newer even healthier habits as - unfamiliar, threatening, or dangerous, and it's causing my body to feel dysregulated.
And so I've really just been in this space, so how do I reconcile these things?
Because so often it's like, we take the class, we learn the information, we read the book, and we know the steps we need to take. But if our bodies aren’t onboard, we're still kinda stuck.
I've just really been observing this within myself, trying to understand my nervous system more deeply and approach this from a gentler perspective.
So here's what I've been coming up with.
When that moment or that thought or that resistance comes up when I can feel that anxiety starts to surge, I notice the thought that's causing this feeling in my body.
For example, when I know I'm late somewhere, I get a lot of anxiety. And I'll start my shame spiral, and my negative thought loops will start to really ramp up.
So lately I’ve been catching that moment, and often I'll put my hand on my heart, or on my abdomen, or both. And I’ll tell myself:
Even though I'm late, I know that I am safe.
Even though I'm late. I know that I am safe.
Even though I’m late. I know that I am safe.
And it's amazing how just saying that affirmation out load, validating the feeling, and following it with an affirmation of safety… I can feel my body start to relax and begin to respond to what I know intellectually. I can begin to embody that feeling of safety.
Another example that happened recently, I was having these thoughts come up and feeling really frustrated and unseen in a situation. As these thoughts arose I could immediately feel my body moving into a dysregulated space.
Without judegment I put my hand on my heart, I acknowledged that my nervous system was having a survival response. I also acknowledged that this is normal and these moments happen for everyone - we’re actually not meant to stay in a regulated state all day every day.
And in an effort to bring my body back to a place of feeling safe I started to say to myself:
Even though I feel misunderstood, I love and accept myself.
Even though I feel alone, I know that I am safe.
Even though I feel unseen, I know that I am ok.
These are some of the EFT tapping affirmations, which are great to do — tapping on the different pressure points on the body, but they also wonderful phrases to apply in the moment in this way as well.
It's almost like bridging the disconnect between our thinking brain and our body.
I've been grappling with this issue this week because I've honestly been feeling frustrated with myself that I can't seem to get it together more quickly.
And then I observe that my frustration and self-judgment are not speeding up the process. They're actually keeping me more stuck.
So, how can I approach this from a gentler, more affirming perspective and walk my nervous system into these new habits that I want to implement with more ease, patience, and respect for my body?
Let me know if you have had any experiences like this, if you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes it's like, I've read the book. I've gone to therapy. I've talked about it a million times, but my body won't get on board. I’m still holding these feelings of resentment that are keeping me stuck, or I can't move through this bad habit. I'm just fascinated with this bridging of the mind and the body and I'm curious if you have any tips or experiences that you've been through as well?
It's almost become this pattern of it's not safe to trust ourselves as neurodivergent people. Instead, it's safe to listen to these outside voices.
The other element of this that I think can make this process even trickier for us as neurodivergent people is that we've really been conditioned not to trust ourselves.
We've been taught to dissociate from our bodies and feelings. As neurodivergent people, we're often experiencing the world more intensely, and with more sensitivity to our surroundings. Perhaps we're uncomfortable with the lighting, the noise level, the scratchy tag in our shirt, or the vibe of the person we're working with.
And the world has sent us these messages of no, that's not true. Your inner voice is not right, you're actually fine. No, it's not too bright in here. No, it's not too loud. No, that person is fine for you. Stop being so sensitive. Stop overreacting.
And it's ultimately trained us not to trust ourselves.
And so I think it's an extra layer of challenge for us as neurodivergent people, just because we've really internalized that trusting our inner voice and needs and desires is invalid and isn't actually safe. Because showing up authentically and needing things differently has been judged and dismissed.
And then saying that to myself, this makes so much sense that you believed this wasn't safe. But you are safe now, even though you feel anxious about speaking up, even though your heart is racing when you put yourself out there, and your voice is shaking when you show yourself authentically. I love and accept you. You are safe. It's going to be okay. You are safe to be you.
Talking these things out as they come up for ourselves in the moment, acknowledging them, validating that feeling, and then bringing ourselves back to what we would say to our own child as that loving parent.
This is how we begin to reparent ourselves as neurodivergent adults.
It's been a practice I've been trying to integrate into my life more and more, and I can honestly say that I feel the shift in my body. I can feel my nervous system start to settle and move toward a more regulated state as I become more observant and gentle with the inevitable shifts that occur throughout the day within my nervous system.
So I'm curious if you guys have experienced this too, if you have any thoughts, and if this resonates. I would love to hear about it.
The disconnect I'm feeling between my mind and my body