Abbey Rae Wilson is not only a good friend but an incredible Human Design Guide. We met at Danny Morel’s event, Awaken, a few weeks ago and we immediately connected over our mutual love of Human Design (in addition to her being a Manifesting Generator- the people I gravitate towards most. More on that in this episode.)
I’ve found when you're aware of your Human Design, you can connect and know people more deeply, which is why I immediately felt connected to Abbey.
How Human Design Supports ADHDers
Our community is primarily ADHDers, and there's just so much shame around feeling like we're always “doing it wrong.”
There's that feeling of “we don't fit in the box” or there's this good “right” way to do it that we’re not.
And so for me, Human Design has been this permission giving resource of “oh wait, that's not actually real. There is no right. We're not actually all supposed to be doing it the same way.”
That’s why I'm so excited to have this conversation with Abbey because it's such a reassuring resource, not only to better understand yourself, but then to live your life in more aligned ways that just flow easier and that validate your own experience.
What is Human Design?
Human Design is a blueprint of who you are. It’s a tool that connects us with our role in this world, with what makes us rise, as an individual and a collective.
You can pull up your human design chart and it looks like a blueprint, and within that blueprint, there are:
your gifts
your shadows
how your energy best works
how you best digest the world around you
environments that are most optimal for you.
There's so many things around your human design.
And I think that’s why Human Design is so rich and abundant with information because it's a blend of many ancient modalities.
It brings together:
astrology
the chakra system
the Chinese I Ching
all in one place.
It creates this richness from tools that were used for thousands of years to help other cultures understand themselves and their place in the world. It's so powerful.
Getting to know yourself through Human Design
The first thing I felt when I connected with my own design was: I started realizing how we live in a society that encourages us to actually be the same.
It's like:
This is the way you create success in business.
This is the way you show up in relationships.
This is the way you show up in life.
And when you actually zoom out and think about it, it's kind of ridiculous. We are all so individual. We can see that through our eyes: we all look different, our thumbprints are completely different, we're so unique.
But society encourage us to do life in the same way. It's kind of crazy.
So when I understood my Human Design, it was like, Oh, that's why I do things in that way. That's why I feel like that in that situation and it gives you that permission to observe those parts of yourself and be like, this is part of my gift. This is what I'm here to bring.
Melissa: And it allows us to trust ourselves more.
Because, we're so conditioned to look outward. Like “this person will tell me how to do it, or that's the model I should be following.” When instead, maybe I know best and these things within me that I thought were flaws or weaknesses are part of my design and part of how I'm supposed to be doing it.
That reframe is so empowering.
If you think of yourself as a puzzle piece…
and you're trying to contort yourself to be another piece, the pieces that are meant to fit within you cannot find you. So when you are your most authentic self, when you are allowing yourself to be in the ways that come supernatural to you, the people that are meant to vibe with your energy, the opportunities that are meant to come into your field, they have a way to find you, you know?
It feels good to be yourself, that's part of the expansion, and it's just about that permission.
Melissa: For me, it was mind blowing, just how accurate it was, and the depth of it too. You can stay surface-level if you want, but you can dive deep too. It's fascinating how even things I wasn't fully conscious of about myself, once read, resonated as truth or made certain things make sense.
Abbey: There's so much depth, there's so much to explore and that is part of the reason why they call it the Human Design Experiment. Because, there's so much to explore that it's this journey that you go on as you unravel different parts of yourself in different phases of your life.
When it comes to connecting with to your own design, the foundations are the most important. They are the parts of my designs that I use every single day. And that is: your energy type, your strategy and your authority.
If you do anything in Human Design, look into those three things, and you will be good.
When you're putting those parts of yourself into practice, everything else just flows the way it's supposed to.
I find if I'm making decisions from a place that’s not my authority, or if I'm not listening to how my energy is flowing and correcting accordingly, I find that more of my shadows and wounds come to the surface.
But when I'm really listening to myself there's more peace about it. The shadows can still come to the surface but I'm better equipped to deal with them and I see them in a loving light. It's a different experience.
So, I always say to people:
You don't need to be overwhelmed by, the depth of human design.
Sure, if that vibes with you, go down the rabbit hole.
But if you just want to get it to work in your life, just go with the foundations. Master that, that's it.
Melissa: Absolutely. And there's so much, meat even just within the foundations. Like my energy type is a projector and learning that I'm actually supposed to rest more because I have a more efficient system and do more in a shorter amount of time was huge.
Because I would beat myself up about it like:
Why can't I do as much?
Why do I need so much downtime?
And then when I was like, Oh. I actually need to recharge more than other people. When I actually could internalize that about myself, it just flipped. Those negative thoughts that I'm doing something wrong turned into, no, this is me. I'm doing it in my right way.
Connecting with others through Human Design
Abbey: Yeah, we had this conversation in Palm Springs.
When you start to understand your own Human Design then you want to understand everybody around you and how we all interact and best work.
I love the energy of projectors and I surround myself with them because they’re very stable and able to, really guide me in life.
Melissa: And it's so funny because I love manifesting generators. I mentioned that to you too and you're like, oh yeah, our energy types vibe.
I had no idea. I was just intuitively drawn to manifesting generators. It's just an easy friendship for me.
Abbey: The connection I find with projectors and manifesting generators is: a manifesting generator is very fast paced. We're here, there and everywhere. We're very expansive energy and have lots of it.
And so for projectors to be around a manifesting generator it feels very expansive for you, like, I'm inspired by this energy and you can collect it.
That's what a manifesting generator gifts to you, and you gift a manifesting generator, thoughtful guidance. Because, we're very fast and sometimes we miss things.
So together things slow down, but then the expansion speeds up.
Not to go too deep, but we have specific gates in the human design system which are just specific gifts you have. And, two of them form a channel.
Often, you will meet someone who forms a channel with you, I call that chemistry.
When I work with clients who are in business partnerships or relationships, they, will have a couple of these, so they activate each other.
Even if people don't know anything about Human Design, you know something about energy.
You've had that moment when:
you've met someone and you've just clicked
or someone walks into a room and the energy has changed.
You have experienced what that feels like. Human design is just putting language to that.
How Human Design Supports Your Mothering
Melissa: I feel like even as a mom, understanding my kids profiles has been a game changer because it's helped me in parenting them and navigating their dynamic.
One's a generator and one's a projector. So they're very different.
But when I can explain to them, this is why you do the things you do. And this is why she does the things she does. You can understand people in a deeper way.
Abbey: Human Design makes you feel more compassion for yourself and for others, because you can see where they're coming from now.
Conflict is literally just my way feels more moralistic or better than your way, right?
It's like, why are you doing it in this way when I would do it in this way.
Human Design takes that conflict energy out of it because it's like, well, of course, they're going to do it differently- they see the world differently.
And so, it brings this great understanding.
The channeler of Human Design, actually said that Human Design is for the children.
Because, if we can grow up and not be conditioned, we're going to live our best life. As adults, we go through a deconditioning process. These things we've been taught, of how we “should” be or what we “should” do, we have to unravel.
But if you start from the beginning with kids, there's no unraveling that's needed. They grow up being who they're supposed to be and who they love to be.
What are profiles in Human Design?
Melissa: Profiles are another area where I've reframed my life because I'm a 3/5. So a 3 is that great experimenter- I'm supposed to learn by making mistakes. Life is my playground.
Now if ever I encounter something that's a “failure” my brain thinks: What's the lesson? What's it here to teach me? What am I here to learn?
That has helped me so much. And one of my kids also has a 3 in their profile, so it's helped me help them reframe when things don't go exactly the way we think.
Abbey: Yes- your life profile, is a combination of two numbers. So, for example, you're a 3/5, I'm a 6/2.
There are 12 different combinations you can be.
The first number is related to your conscious personality, that's how you see yourself.
And the second number, is your soul self, the unconscious, the way people see you.
There's so much depth in each of the numbers, but when they're combined, you get a slightly different energy.
It tells you:
How you learn best.
And how you're supposed to share and communicate who you are.
It's your life path.
What are your kids?
Melissa: My son is a 3/5 like me but he's a generator. And then my daughter's a projector, but she's a 4/6.
Abbey: I love that. This is why I think our kids pick us, because parts of you have showed up in their design.
But they have a different way of presenting it, of using it in the world.
Understanding your role with Human Design
Melissa: It’s interesting how we can find the connections between one another whether it’s similarities or how we balance each other.
Abbey: Yeah. That’s why it's an awareness tool. I think all of us need to be intentional about our energy because we all have different roles and our energy types tell us a lot about that.
The 5 Energy Types in Human Design
Manifestor: is the initiator, they’re the trailblazers. They get an idea, speak it out, and bring the momentum. They're these pioneers, that are here to use their voice and initiate things into the world.
Projectors: are the guides. The ones that see how we get from A to B in the best way. And they really guide that energy.
Generators and Manifesting Generators: bring the energy, they get things going. We live in a generator dominated world, collectively, it's about 70% of the population. About 35% are pure generators and 35% are Manifesting Generators.
Their role is to make sure that where they're putting their energy is in places that give them energy because that just overflows and creates more energy for everybody.
The difference between the two is, a manifesting generator’s energy is a bit faster and they tend to pivot a lot. They tend to change what they're doing. They love variety and diversity. Sometimes Manifesting Generators will feel that they change their minds too much, which can be a reframe to, you're doing it right, for you.
On that side of things, generators have so much devotion with their energy. So when they are passionate about something, they have this full commitment to that passion, and they will see that through. In general, they’re givers, that's the role they're here to play.
Reflectors: Make up 1% of the population and are meant to step in the middle and reflect back to everyone. And then retreat.
Ultimately, the more intentional you are about your energy and the more that you are putting it where you actually want to and are meant to put it, the more you get.
Melissa: How beautiful that we all have these different roles and how needed they all are. How they’re all interconnected and really balance each other out.
And when you see people living in their design, it all makes so much sense.
We all have that ability to dive into our design and create these lives that work for us. And to drop the need to look at and compare ourselves to the person next to us.
Abbey: Exactly.
We get to claim the reality that we want.
The dreams you have and the things you like are for a reason. I probably don't have them.
They’re inside your inner world so to reach your dreams the focus becomes:
How can I listen more to my inner world?
And when you listen to yourself and play your role, it simply feels good. Not only to you but to the world. That's why it's by design because it's for all of us.
Melissa: The universe rewards us for being in our lane.
It gets to feel good.
You get to be abundant.
You get to receive when you do it the way you're designed to do it.
Abbey: This is what happens to people who really play with their design.
That’s why I think it's important for all of us to know our Human Design.
It gives you those tools to deeply understand yourself more.
So that you can see your difference as your power.
You can celebrate it.
Melissa: Thank you so much for sharing all of this today. All of this wisdom is so valuable and affirming to understand ourselves in this way. And it gives us this template to start moving through life in this new way that gets to feel better, easier, and softer on ourselves because it's all by design.
Connect with Abbey
Free Human Design Mini-Reading
Human Design Parenting Resources
Dive Deeper in a 1:1 with Abbey
Check out her website to learn more
P.S. Craving a safe space to reparent yourself with other ADHD moms who get it? Check out my community here on Substack.
You're not doing it wrong... you're being you: Understanding Human Design with Abbey Wilson